Final Thoughts

Another genius nugget from Love & War by John & Stasi Eldrege:

"We are broken people, with a famished craving in our hearts. We are fallen, all of us. It happened so long ago, back in the Garden of Eden, so early in our story that most of us don't even realize it happened. But the effects of the Fall are something we live with every day, and it would be best for both of you if you understood what it has done to the soul of a man and a woman.

Every woman now has an insatiable need for relationship, one that can never be filled. It is an ache in her soul designed to drive her to God. Men instinctively know that the bottomless well is there, and pull back. I don't want to be engulfed by that. Besides, no matter how much I offer, it'll never be enough. This is Eve's sorrow. This is the break in her cup. She aches for intimacy, to be known, loved, and chosen. And it also explains her deepest fear--abandonment.

Men face a different sort of emptiness. We are forever frustrated in our ability to conquer life. That's the 'sweat of your brow...thorns and thistles' thing. A man aches for affirmation, for validation, to know that he has come through. This also explains his deepest fear--failure."

I really enjoy reading books by the Eldreges. I've never thought of myself as a stereotypical woman (who does?), but their insights always seem to hit home and shed light on parts of my soul that I didn't understand. And they do it in a very friendly, loving way, weaving their own marriage story into the chapters to illustrate the heart of the matter.

If you have time to read the book, I certainly recommend it and not just because they sent me a free copy. Actually, I'm supposed to disclose that this book was provided for review by WaterBrook Multnomah. And click over here if you would like more info on the book. It would make a great gift for nearly/newly marrieds or for a 50th wedding anniversary. Every stage of marriage could benefit from the hope and enthusiasm imparted in these words.

"You see, somewhere along the way we all lose heart in marriage. We all do. It happens to the best of us. We might find a way to manage our disappointment and we might do our best to fight off resignation, but it works its way in. We let go of what we wanted, what we dreamed of, what were created for. We begin to settle.

Because marriage is hard, sometimes painfully hard, your first Great Battle is not to lose heart. That begins with recovering desire--the desire for the love that is written on your heart. Let desire return. Let it remind you of all that you wanted, all that you were created for.

And then consider this--what if God could bring you your heart's desire? It's not too late. It isn't too hard. You are not too far along nor are you and your spouse too set in your ways. God is the God of all hope. He is, after all, the God of the Resurrection. Nothing is impossible for him. So give your heart's desire some room to breathe.

What if the two of you could find your way to something beautiful?

That would be worth fighting for."