Learning to Love

"And what does learning to love look like? Well, for one thing, it looks like compassion for your spouse's brokenness while choosing to turn from your own self-protective style of relating.

We must come to face our style, of course. As men, we look to where we are passive, and where we are domineering, harsh, or violent. As women, we face where we are controlling, and where we are desperately clingy. And as God reveals these things, we make those thousand little choices to turn from our style of relating. We make deliberate choices to love. If you have been avoiding conflict, either as a passive man or a controlling woman, then you say: 'Conflict is okay. Let's talk about these things. I'll go there with you.' If you have been avoiding intimacy, then you say: 'I need you. I don't want to be this island, this impenetrable fortress. I choose to engage.' If you have been controlling, then let go of control. If you've been hiding, then come out of hiding. If you have been filled with anger, then set aside your anger and choose to be vulnerable."

From Love & War by John & Stasi Eldrege