Delayed obedience is disobedience

I don't know how many times a day I have to tell A, "Obey right away, all the way, with a happy heart." (Quote from Ginger Plowman's Don't Make Me Count to Three) Boy, I am the biggest hypocrite. See there's been this little heart issue that God made me aware of, oh, I don't know, maybe a few weeks ago, give or take a YEAR! Seriously, I have been delaying my own obedience for over a year now. Why does God put up with kind of disrespect?!

Scary thing is that I don't know for sure, but He might not have been tolerating it. Years ago, I did something very similar. That time it was very intentional, though. I didn't want to deal with the hurt in my heart and I wasn't going to. Remind you of anyone we know? (Hint: she wouldn't eat her pears.) We had been back in the states for about six months and J was doing everything he could to get hired on at the company he was consulting for. But the door was closed and beyond the door was a brick wall. Every time it seemed to crack open, it got slammed closed again. We were very frustrated. One Sunday, I told J to go on to church without me, that God and I had business to tend to at home. I was weary of carrying the bitterness and God loved me too much to let me. We had a good talk and forgiveness was so sweet. J got his job offer the next day.

Sure, maybe it was a coincidence. But I beg to differ. I believe my disobedience had affected my family's growth. We weren't going anywhere until I obeyed. I had completely forgotten about this until God brought it to my mind recently. I shuddered. I knew I was living in disobedience to a faithful God and what if my disobedience was stunting my family's growth again? I don't know. But I know I obeyed. That little thing that I thought wasn't bothering anybody else has been dealt with, done, forgiven, over, close the book on that one. Please, Lord Jesus, don't let it have been hurting anyone else.